Where am I now?

The biggest thing 'adult life' has taught me, is not to jump the gun. Because nothing is quite as you might imagine it to be. Your mind will run wild with an idea, but you have to try to keep it contained and find out exactly what's going to happen first.

I graduated university in 2018. I was in a long-term relationship. I worked part-time in a bakery. I begrudged that I still lived at home with my family. I was still overcoming the sexual assault and working out how that had mentally changed me. I wasn't fully sure how I was going to use my degree. And I didn't really know what I wanted.

Now, it is 2020, I work full-time in a Farm Shop & Kitchen working in Social Media & Front of House. I still live at home. I'm still a sexual assault victim. I *think* I know what I want to use my degree for. But, honestly, I still don't know what I want to do. Oh, and I'm very single & completely off dating apps... for now. 

I do know, that I'm pleased by the simplicity of life now. And adore just being in the fresh air with Keira & going to a quiet coffee shop to read my book in peace. I have to take hold of creativity when she hits, otherwise I'll regret it and won't feel that buzz for weeks. I know winter is my most difficult time, and I lack motivation and desire for life. My favourite way to spend time with friends is over good food. I don't like giving up my time for others. But if I do give you my time, you better feel lucky. 

Dating Apps are a strange place, I'm currently not on any. But I've done the obvious choices Tinder, Bumble, a very brief flirt with Hinge. I'm not saying I won't go back on one, but they really lack any meaning or connection. Although I do know whenever I think I'm getting into the swing of dating, life will throw a curve-ball at me and make me want to crawl back into my cosy pile of blankets again.  (lol, on edit I've just redownloaded Tinder as a giggle with my friend)

Full-time work, is something I always knew I would have to struggle with. I know everyone has to work. And I don't know what I would do with those extra 40 hours a week; if I wasn't working on something. But hospitiality and customer service is a b*tch to work in. And I can only hope the day I hand in my resignation, to leave hospitality forever, is sooner rather than later. 

I've discovered that if I don't put my washing away the day I wash and dry it, it will remain in the basket until I have to do my washing again the next week. It's a weekly battle. 

2020

Long time, no type. 

13 months.

Tre, Pol & Pen is now open. Had its one year birthday on 16th January.

Keira has been on bed rest for most of 2020. 

I'm having potentially the most difficult few months with my mental health.

That really sums up how I feel my life is right now. I know deep down 2019 was a decent year, but I think I'm still coming out of the fog of a low stage.

So, here's how I'm trying to step out of it. 

Tidy everything. Shred the excess paperwork. Throw the unneccesary crap. Making sure the space, I'm in is comfortable. 

Work hard. Rest harder. 

Create again. I'm always saying I want to create more. But it's even more difficult when you aren't into anything. 

Escaping reality through literature.

Getting dressed on days off. I've got a wardrobe full of clothes that I love, but on days off, it's so easy to just wear leggings and a cosy jumper. But don't. Get dressed in a 'You' outfit, and love it.

I know, for me, getting back on regular dog walks and being in fresh air frequently will help me. But I've got to let Keira rest and recover in her own time. So finding alternative ways to get out of the house on my days off, and getting some fresh wintery air into my lungs. 

2019

I know everyone says this, but I cannot believe how much my life has changed in the past year. This time last year, I was a long-term relationship, writing my dissertation, unsure of my entire artistic practice (admittedly this hasn't changed), working a so-so job, and just in a strange ball of stress 24/7.

Now I'm a year older, single, and getting ready to start a long-term job (until I take the next scary step to be a teacher). 

2018 New Years Resolutions:

1) Take more photos.

2) Forgive & Forget. 

3) Friendship. 

4) Make memories. 

5) Trust myself. 

6) Learn Lightroom. 

7) Read more. 

8) Monthly challenges. 

9) Tattoo/Piercing.

10) Work on my arms & self-love. 

11) Throw kindness around like confetti. 

2019 New Years Resolutions:

1. Continue throwing kindness around like confetti.

2. Do something new every month - big or small.

3. Read at least one book a month. 

4. Work out the best way to fit your art into your life.

5. Travel. To friends, to countries, to new places, to well-visited places, just escape the norm more.

6. Work on me. I'm not trying to 'fix' myself, but just putting myself in a better position.

And that's it. All I'm aiming for in 2019. Simple. Concise. And potentially achievable.

Kay x

REVIEW: Surprise Me by Sophie Kinsella

I wrote this review waaaay back in July, forgot about it, rediscovered it, and am now posting it. 

Synopsis: "After being together for ten years, Sylvie and Dan have a comfortable home, fulfilling jobs, beautiful twin girls, and communicate so seamlessly, they finish each other's sentences. They have a happy marriage and believe they know everything there is to know about each other. Until it's casually mentioned to them that they could be together for another sixty-eight years... and panic sets in.

They quickly decide to create little surprises for each other, to keep their relationship fresh and fun. But in their pursuit of Project Surprise Me - anything from unexpected gifts to restaurant dates to photo shoots - mishaps arise with disastrous and comical results. 

Gradually, the surprises turn to shocking discoveries. And when a scandal from the past is uncovered, they begin to wonder if they ever really knew each other after all..."

This book feels different from Kinsella's other work. The twist is darker than expected, and nowhere near as fluffy as her other novels. 

I gave this book 3 of out of 5 stars on Goodreads (link to my profile here). And overall, I did enjoy the book. 

HOWEVER, if you had told me the twist was going to be darker - I would've been really interested in the book. But, in reality, I found the twist lacking because it took SO long for the twist to come and for anything exciting to happen. The first 200-ish pages were a bit naff. The last 150 had me hooked though! 

The basic plot of the story:

The story is based around Sylvie (side note: Sylvia is one of my favourite names) who is married to Dan, and they have twin girls together. An event happens that causes them to question the longevity of their lives and relationship. There is a load of secrets between them, which leads to the main story and twist. 

I bought the book for less than £4 in Asda. And do not regret buying it, nor reading it. But if you've never read Sophie Kinsella this is not the book I would recommend you read first. But if you're a Sophie Kinsella fan, then go for it!

xx

If money were no question...

Please note that this post is inspired by Rebecca (From Roses) recent post. 

My whole life this question/topic has been coming up. Even in university, Lecturer's would ask "If money wasn't a problem, what would you do after uni?". I've heard friends & family discuss what they would do if they won the Euromillions tonight. As a species, we're a little obsessed with thinking about the 'what ifs'. 

In general, I try not to think about the lottery and think too much about the difference money makes in my life. But every so often, it's difficult to avoid the subject and you just have to give in.

So, what would I do if I money were no question...

01. Open a pet boutique/playfield/cafe

Firstly, my dog has a better wardrobe than me - it's no secret that Keira owns a lot of sh!t. Secondly, I love nothing more than seeing doggos running around and living their best lives. Thirdly, I would consider living off coffee & cake until the end of time. 

02. Adopt ALL of the dogs 

The older dogs who get forgotten about, the dogs who need a little more love and care. The dogs who don't get adopted. I want them all to be spoilt and loved. (Side note: I'm 90% sure that the next dog I adopt will be an older doggie, looking for a home to peacefully enjoy retirement in.)

03. Photograph Everything 

Without fear of clients not paying or no-one wanting my services. 

The scariest part of deciding to pick up more freelance work is the fact that people may not want to pay for my work. Or, even worst, not like my work. If money wasn't an object, it wouldn't matter, I could just mooch around with my camera all day and every day. 

04. Own my house

Not necessarily the one I'm living in right now. But the luxury of not having to worry about paying rent or a mortgage. (Ideally, it'll be by the sea, with a LARGE garden, big windows, lots of light, a cosy fire, all of the blankets & cushions!)

05. Travel

Not specifically out of the UK. I would be happy going for a weekend away once a month. I just love exploring new places. And I'm certainly not the person who dreams of migrating to Australia to start a new life. 

06. Go to my shows/gigs

Art/music/comedy/musicals - all of them. I'm always so disappointed that none come near me, and if they do it'll be when I'm too short on funds to justify the cost. I think experiences are so much more meaningful, but you do need some money tucked away to enjoy them!

So tell me, what would you do if money were no question?

Kay xx

November Goals

Remember how in this post, I said I was going to post every Sunday? That went... well? horribly? awful? It just didn't go anywhere.

Let's have a restart on 'getting back into blogging'!

My goals in October were:

01. Blog again. Failed.

02. Make a routine. A success. Hurrah.

03. Photography. Half and half. I started creating still lifes, but I need to work on carrying my camera with me again.

04. Read. Didn't read a single book.

05. Enjoy Autumn/October. Nailed it.

Although it wasn't an awful month, I would say I completed 50% of my goals. Some of this is coming across to November, other stuff is being forgotten about and swept under the metaphorical rug.

Admittedly, I'm writing my goals on the 8th November. But they're still valid - I've decided. 

November Goals:

01. Blog, again, again. 

02. Freelance Photography. Open those books up again to bookings and commissions. 

03. Take the camera out with me. 

04. Start planning Christmas.

05. Be more aware of where my money is going. Not my spending habits, but where I'm spending my money. Buy secondhand/independent/etc. Find ways to buy locally for Christmas presents. 

06. Alongside being aware of where I spent my money and buying indie. Be aware of my impact on the planet. Buying secondhand means the clothes aren't being made specifically for a shop. (Watch THE Stacey Dooley documentary.) Buy wrapping paper that CAN be recycled. Buy Christmas cards from individuals instead of a big ol' pack of 50 from Tesco. Donate to charity. 

07. Decide what is important to me. And work towards those 'things'.

What are your goals for November? 

Follow along with our adventures here: @thecornishstaffy

Kay xx

Postcard from Porthtowan, Cornwall | The Cornish Staffy

Took me a few too many weeks to gather these photos together. But here's a collection of snapshots from Keira's weekend away to Porthtowan, Cornwall.